one deep drawer

someone told me...

2008-07-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

..it's all happening at the zoo.

i do believe it.

i do believe it's true.

fava beans

2008-07-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

an exciting new post about fava beans over at

http://onedeepdrawer.wordpress.com/

bet you can't wait!

independence

2008-07-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

happy fourth of july!

there's a new post over at http://onedeepdrawer.wordpress.com/

see you there!

thirty

2008-06-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

i didn't expect the end of the month so soon. i've still got posts waiting to be written. i guess that's a good sign. there were certainly days when the posts here were a bit slim. so i'm not an advocate of posting for habit's sake. if there is something to say, then by all means pound it out. but there's no harm in sitting quiet for a few days either.

M has inherited a play structure from our neighbors. (i tried all day to upload a video of her going down the slide with no luck.) i really can't imagine a more perfect gift at the beginning of this season. she is ripe for it! it's plastic. but not bright and awful. earth colors with moss growing on it. the climbing walls are a bit too big for her (next year!), but the stairs and slide were getting a workout at 7:30 this morning.

i can't tell you how nice it is to have a green place to sit. our new fence keeps the girl in, but she's got plenty of room to roam. the garden, the pool, the play structure. and we have a baby scrub jay too. she hops along behind her mama, crying out little calls. her gray head gives her away. and the plaintive way she opens her mouth when she calls. such richness. what were you doing this morning?

strawberries

2008-06-29T10:21:00.001-07:00

our strawberry patch in the front yard is producing so much fruit. we eat alot, share alot with our neighbors, let the scrub jays eat their share. and still our fridge is full of berries.

so i smashed a couple cups, mixed it with cream and sugar and an egg, and gave it a couple of turns in the ice cream maker.

home made strawberry ice cream. so good. look how fast the girl can get a taste! i'm going to whip up a little cream to eat with this morning's berries and watch tennis. strawberries and cream...breakfast at Wimbledon. it sort of counts as church!

twenty nine

2008-06-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

so it happened. i didn't make it to the computer yesterday. my streak is broken. i did not blog every day. oh well. i did think of it as the little one was nursing herself back to sleep. it was 11:54 pm. and i could have popped in. but i stayed in bed and rested my bones. the right choice i think.

twenty seven

2008-06-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

this is just amazing. you can read a bit about these two beauties on the video's Youtube site. there is also video of her birth.

it's no surprise that M is already learning the differences between mammals and other animals. she knows that whales live in the water like fish, but give their babies milk to drink. and that's one of the first questions she asks about new animals. she cradles an imaginary baby to her breast and asks, milk? do these mamas feed their babies milk?

i was very newly pregnant with M when we went to the Lighthouse in San Diego to watch the whales migrating down to Baja to birth their babies. that's when i first learned how baby whales drink milk, that the milk is the consistency of cottage cheese and the mama squirts it into the water! this is a crazy, amazing world we live in!

twenty six

2008-06-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

word on the street is i'm thinking of moving this blog over to Wordpress. i know, i know! big news. i've never really liked Blogger. just the name sounds silly to me. i hated the address: onedeepdrawer.blogspot.com. those two short "o" sounds right next to each other. yuck! Wordpress sounds much more dignified to my ears.

so the plan is to stay here through the end of the month, and then move here.

and another link for those who don't like change:

http://onedeepdrawer.wordpress.com/

it's not that big of a deal is it? if it is, just let me know. nothing's final. and i might find that Blogger really is more my speed. we'll see.

twenty five

2008-06-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

ladies and gentlemen, may i direct your attention to our Flickr page. many, many pictures have been uploaded in the last few days, so let me get you up to speed on our comings and goings...

our trip to Yakima...i can't decide if going down the water slide was the most fun part of the trip or eating shave ice. my favorite was green apple with a squirt of sour zinger. yum! and don't you just love the sense of style that Jess has? by the by, the pictures from Hood River are from the trip home. we stopped for a Big Dinger Dog and Cokes. more yum!
swim lessons...i've already mentioned those, but here are a few more pictures. Maisy Layton has almost the exact same suit as our Mamie.
picking strawberries in the front yard. such bounty. i'm going to make home made ice cream with this morning's pick.
Nicki + Kev...are moving to town from Bellingham. M is quite fond of them and the sweet dog Zion.
the garden and the girl in the bonnet...what a harvest already.
Jude...came for a visit. Marg and Thad went out for her birthday to a yummy dinner. and we got to spend the evening with Jude painting and playing.

that's what's up with us. and you?

twenty four

2008-06-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

it's Papa's birthday!

a little cake. a few presents. this is not quite half of AP's presents. looks like it's going to be a good year! he's gone just now doing work stuff. he was supposed to take the day off, but something came up. so he'll be home soon. already this morning we went out to breakfast with our friends, Nicki and Kevin. they'll be moving down from Washington in a few weeks. so we took a look at their new place and ate at Petite Provence. we hadn't been back since last spring when we came for a visit. such yummy pastry. cheese croissant! happy birthday indeed. i don't know what the rest of the day holds for us. it's going to be warmer today. maybe we'll make some homemade strawberry ice cream if we have enough ripe berries. we've been giving so many away! home grown Oregon strawberries make for happy neighbors.

here's to a great year for Andy and our family and many happy returns of the day!

twenty three

2008-06-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

not many of you click on through to the links that i include. can i blame you? i know that i often choose to skip the click. but i'm including another one. an important one.

http://www.sextelevision.net/videoplayer/?segmentID=601&n=1

this is a link to about 6 minutes of an interview with Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff. she's the real deal. she's one of my wise women, one i aspire to be like. she is mama to 11 kids, she lived off the land on very little money, she survived abuse and scandal with her faith intact. she homeschooled her kids when it was illegal. she has always loved women and their bodies and the children they birth.

she is a writer who for many years published an amazing magazine called Gentle Spirit. one afternoon i was at Jessica's house, newly married and starting a new job. i would be working full time. i was looking for meal planning tips, nervous about having to work a second shift of housework and cooking when i got home. Jess let me borrow a few issues. they were already 8 years old. she had inherited them from Cindy Porter. i was absolutely taken with the women in the pages of the magazine, Cheryl most of all. they were women who were crafting lives of simplicity, teaching their children, growing their food, making their own clothes, doing it for themselves. yes, it was all mixed in with the conservative christian craziness that Cheryl talks about in the interview. but that wasn't the whole story. GS was a place where women were taken seriously. and that is still mind blowing today. places like that just don't exist in this world.

twenty two

2008-06-22T20:10:00.001-07:00

we are freshly home from a trip to see our dear friends in the Yakima valley. it's a lovely trip from here through the Gorge and then over the Columbia to Washington. farm land and mountain views, desert and rainforest. for a while the little one was asleep in the back seat and we could quietly enjoy the view. we found surprises along our route too.

like the town of Toppenish. it's the city of murals, the town's history is recorded in beautiful paintings there on the side of the Napa Auto Parts store! i love the different story lines and perspectives all in one piece. we drove without knowing where we were going or what we would see, and it was certainly worth turning off of the highway.

further on toward home we found an orthodox monastery. in the middle of no place at all, 18 women live together. lives devoted to prayer and coffee roasting and pastry making. let me tell you, after a weekend when our girl was out of sorts, grumpy and not really sleeping much, their life is very intriguing.

twenty one

2008-06-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

there's a sort of folk wisdom among midwives and families who homebirth that babies born in the water always have an affinity for it. i've been at more than one gathering where there's a kid playing in a fountain and someone will walk by and say, yep! he's a water baby. and our water baby is no different.

we've been doing swim lessons this week. there's an indoor pool quite close to our house and this week was FREE swim lesson week. so last Saturday i woke up early and stood in line to sign us up for a week of Starfish lessons. really it's just an excuse to be in the water with the little one. we sing some splashy songs and play with water toys. Mabel loves it. alot. she wakes up ready to go. she talks about it all the way there (bus! pool! kick kick kick!). last night i think she must have been practicing here swimming in her sleep. i was getting kicked so much i had to take a blanket and go sleep on the couch.

she's always a little disappointed that Uncle Dave and Trev aren't going to be at the pool. the last time she swam was when they came for a visit, so the two are tied in her mind. but on our way to the pool, we do pass a KFC. she's started calling the Colonel "Chicken Papa." and because Dave's always up for some chicken, she talks about eating some chicken with Dave and Trev. and we will in just over a month!

twenty

2008-06-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

look what came in the mail today! a neat pen pouch from Amy at the Creative Mom Podcast.

the package came hand stamped...

but the best surprise was the lovely stitching outlining the bird. i just love it! and i've got a new journal. just in time for the first day of summer to begin a season of nature journaling.

nineteen

2008-06-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

remembering Edwina Froehlich...

and the simple, but revolutionary, idea that seven women could meet together to talk and support each other in the decision to breastfeed.

only 11% of babies born in our country are breastfed for 6 months. there's still work for La Leche League. so get busy! go to a LLL meeting, smile at a mama breastfeeding in public, pick up your kid and nurse her!

eighteen

2008-06-18T10:52:00.001-07:00

a late response to Living More with Less and the chapter called "Nurturing People." thanks again to Mrs. Pivec for keeping the conversation going. even when i'm not writing here, her words are on my mind and that's a nice thing.

this chapter reminded me of two seemingly small decisions that we made early on in our life as Mabel's parents. not big philosophical choices, not hard choices. quiet choices that have made such a difference.

we chose not to get the popular baby carseat that snaps out and becomes a carrier. mostly it was an aesthetic decision--people look so silly all bent over to balance the weight of the poorly designed carrier. but that meant when we were out, we had to hold Mabel. there was no place to put her. we couldn't put her down and get on with dinner or whatever else was calling for our attention. we had to make space for her too. we had to keep her in mind. we had to care for her. so we held her in our arms or she slept snuggled in a sling. and just being mindful of her and her needs, her rightful place in our family life, opened me up. from the beginning she wasn't an intrusion on my better plans. she was a part of us.

the other choice was to not use a pacifier. partly because i was breastfeeding and wanted her to breast as often as possible in the early days to establish my milk supply. but again, pacifiers just look silly. then we read something about babies finding comfort through nursing or sucking on a little finger instead of a pacifier, in part because we want our children to find comfort in people, not things. and that resounded so deeply with me. it was a way to hold a larger intention for the kind of person i want to be, the kind of child i want to raise in this world, in the midst of my mundane life with a small baby. it reminded me of what was important.

seventeen

2008-06-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

last night she found the lopsided, coming-full moon in the late evening sky.

she said, Egg! Crack, crack!

ah, a poet.

keep your eyes open.

sixteen

2008-06-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

it's (almost) summer. and that means it's time for the summer reading program! are your little ones signed up yet? we were at the library on the first day. and we weren't the only ones either! i've done summer reading with Jordan and Morgan and Taylor, with Garrett and Gracie, and now with Trev and Mabel. i just love it.

as the librarian was explaining the rules to us, she said that any time with a book counted for a child Mabel's age--she mentioned chewing on the book or scooting it around on the floor. M has been known to chew her some book, but she also spends considerable time on her own looking at pictures, turning pages, telling herself the story. we found her a few nights ago laying on her belly with her chin in her hand, reading. she looked just like what a kid is supposed to look like! we have books around and we read a fair amount ourselves, but she has a love for books that is her own.

of course, the summer reading program, with its trips to Disneyland and free school supplies, raises the whole issue of rewarding children for doing things that really are rewards in themselves. reading easily falls into that category. but i really don't think that the rewards are going to stop up her own drive to read. i think it's a fun little extra. it's an external way for me to see just how much time we're spending in the books. it spurs me on to be more conscious about sharing books with the little. last year i remember some long summer afternoons spent reading with Trevor and Mabel expressly because we were trying to finish up a level on their reading logs. but it was a good way to spend time none the less. (on a somewhat related parenting note...how old does a child need to be before she is on the computer? how much screen time should a child have? what's your experience?)

libraries are such wonderful places to share with our children. i hope that this summer is full of memorable books for each of you. i for one could use a good novel!

fifteen

2008-06-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

these two!

last week i told Mabel that we would be celebrating Father's Day soon and we needed to get AP a surprise. all week long at odd times she's been saying, Papa? prise? and then she'll get a big smile on her face as we talk about Father's Day again.

this man is amazing.

he is gentle and silly. when she requests Bird (Little Bird) or Spider (Itsy Bitsy Spider) he plays the same songs over and over on the guitar. he tends our garden and fills our yard debris bin with so many weeds. he teaches kids who are right on the verge of success or failure. he's a steady, reliable influence in their lives, a man of integrity.

he held me in his arms as i birthed Mabel. when she was still connected to me, he reached around and rubbed her back and whispered hello. as i was getting stitched up, he held Mabel. and i knew that she was safe, she was right where she needed to be.

i am so honored to be walking the path of parenting with Andy. he makes me a better mama just by being himself.

happy father's day!

fourteen

2008-06-14T06:20:00.001-07:00

the internet is a crazy place.

a note showed up in my flickr mail a few weeks ago about using one of my pictures for an online guide to the Northwest. sure, be my guest. the picture of Kelley Point that they wanted wasn't my most inspired shot, but there you go. i think you'll have to scroll down to find the Kelley Point entry.

the funny thing is that the local paper just published an article about how much gay men love Kelley Point! oh my! there was no one but us there on the very cold day in January when the picture was taken.

thirteen

2008-06-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

we've been out and about more this spring. in part because the weather is nicer. in part because Mabel is older and can walk pretty good and is just so interested in everything. twice during this season, we've been out in the community, and i've heard mamas speak about their children and it's just really impressed me.

at the zine writing workshop, i shared a table with a boy who was maybe 12. his mom sat next to him. as we went around the room introducing ourselves, he said who we was and hat he was interested in writing and drawing. ah! the zine workshop was the best place for him to be then. and then it was his mom's turn. she said, i'm Joe's mom and i'm here to support him in his writing. really? moms really do that? i had read homeschooling stories about parents who support their children's interests by helping to find internships and other ways for children to connect with people who are already doing what they're interested in. but here it was, happening right in front of me. i was sharing a table with part of a family that actively looked for ways to support each other's creative work. amazing.

and then last night at a Volunteer Social at the International Center for Traditional Childbearing, a girl who was 15 stood up and said that she was interested in becoming a midwife. then her mom stood and said, i'm Brooke's mom and i'm here to support her. i was just floored.

part of the reason i take Mabel to volunteer with me is because i think it's so important for her to be around women who are passionate about their work, passionate about babies and children. strong women who are working to make a space in this world that is safe for mamas and babies. and i can't imagine how wonderful it will be when she asks for my help in discovering and exploring something that makes her excited.

i think there might have been a time when the fact that the women introduced themselves only as mothers would have bothered me. and i might have phrased it differently myself. but it's not a bad thing to be the support, the catalyst, the one who makes things happen. our life is going to be used up and spent in some way. each day flows through our hands and is gone. i can't think of a better way to be of use.

twelve

2008-06-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

alot can happen in two years. that's how long we lived in the jungle, how long we lived with the BBC on shortwave radio and back issues of Newsweek as our only media sources. i knew my cricket scores and how Manchester United was doing. i also knew more about current pop music than at any other time in my life. on the BBC there was a countdown show called "Top of the Pops" and a new release show called "White Label." Beyonce and Black Eyed Peas were very big. where is the love?

ipods came on the market in the two years we were gone. there had been other MP3 players. but not an ipod. podcasts happened too. i remember listening to a BBC reporter tell about these homemade radio shows that anyone could make. the topics were wide-ranging and unique. it sounded to me alot like zines. but it didn't sound like they would be very popular or would last very long. definitely a fast moving trend. i didn't think anyone in America would use camera phones either!

well these few years later, podcasts still exist. they are still often homemade. though there are plenty that are quite slick. i listen and love The Creative Mom Podcast. i love Amy's stories about her boys and her art. i love her voice. i especially like all of her book recommendations. for the record, i'm not crazy about the music, but it still surprises me and has me in tears every once in a while. most of all i like the community of (mostly) women, mostly mamas, that has grown up around the show. they post pictures of their sketchbooks on flickr. they have blogs of their own. i regularly read Handmade Homeschool and Golightly Place. it does me good to see other women who love their children and create. just what i want.

eleven

2008-06-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

this blog is becoming the new Wild Kingdom!

this is how i woke up this morning. at 5 am. on the video, i'm talking at a normal volume. and the crows just about drown me out. they are that loud! i couldn't figure out if they were happy or sad.

what do you think?

ten

2008-06-10T16:01:00.000-07:00

last night our cat was acting strange. but we have sort of a strange cat. something about being rescued from a dumpster when you are tiny makes a cat not quite right. anyhow, she was jumpy and even hissed a few times at the window. but we couldn't see anything. and then we saw this:

there he stood at the door like our long lost pet. there was no fear in this animal. i think he really was waiting for me to open the door so that he could come in. he played on the porch for a good bit. he was real fond of the Nerf basketball.

at one point he had the ball, the black cat purse, and one of Mabel's Dora shoes in his hands. there was no way he was leaving with that shoe. i would make sure of it. thankfully, he decided to leave the loot and find somewhere else to play.

nine

2008-06-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

Amanda at Soulemama recommended The Tassajara Bread Book , and we've been enjoying the three-layer cornbread and the whole wheat muffins with raspberry jam. i've also moved on to another book by the same author called Tomato Blessings and Radish Teachings: Recipes and Reflections. it mixes advice and stories about cooking with observation from the author's experience with Zen. quite nice. these lines have been on my mind for a few days. please pardon my addenda.

Some of my companions complained about missing meditation or lectures
in order to prepare meals or clean up after them.
they seemed to think that Zen [life] was happening somewhere else
and that the kitchen workers [mamas] were missing out.
i would remind myself what our teacher said,
that work [mothering] is also spiritual practice,
another opportunity to see into the nature of things.
i decided that i would prove it was true,
that i would work as though it was indeed spiritual work.
i didn't know any better.

p.s. i don't put those links to Amazon in these postings because i think you should buy the books. i just want to give you an idea of what it is i'm talking about. i certainly don't buy the books. go to the library! make interlibrary loan your friend!

eight

2008-06-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

blessed are the list makers...

the opening line from Virginia Heffernan's article about lists in this morning's New York Times Magazine. and then this sentence closer to the end:

like students of Japanese culture and religious seekers of every variety, people who teach their children at home, it turns out, make lists and swap them and focus on what works with their own families...

and so a list.

good morning things

coffee already waiting when you wake up
singing "Colours"
our girl saying goodbye to the bus driver
walking a new neighborhood
cats napping in sunny spots
people on bikes
poached eggs like fluffy pillows
breakfast outside
more coffee and the paper and the sun coming out
drinking milk on the bus

seven

2008-06-07T22:14:00.001-07:00

the bad news is that M woke at 5 am to nurse. the good news is that she went back to sleep till after 7. which means that AP and i got to spend a good bit of time in the morning reading and talking and drinking coffee. and there's just not too many things that i like better.

we were talking about the work of Alfie Kohn. AP has been reading Unconditional Parenting, and we've both also read Punished by Rewards. as interested as i am, as much as i want to like his ideas, something just isn't right.

there is plenty that he does get right. he focuses on respecting your child, remembering just how old they are and what they are capable of doing, and not being rigid. these are such important, powerful ideas. it does me so much good to remember to not be consistent, to make room for exceptions to the rules, to eat ice cream in the morning on occasion.

but sometimes it seems like more of a program. like i need to be not quite myself in order to parent effectively. and that feeling centers on his insistence that praise as such is damaging to children. there are limits of course. praise isn't always the right choice. sometimes we can ask questions and find out so much more about our children and the way they see the world. but sometimes i'm just happy or thankful and i want to express it. and maybe it points to the places where my love is conditional. but lots of times i just scoop her up and kiss on her and tell her how proud i am to know her, to have her in my life, to be her mama.

and you? what roll does praise play in your relationship with your children?

six

2008-06-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

do you have any idea how much i like this video?

five

2008-06-05T18:45:00.001-07:00

Mrs. Pivec asked and answered some very interesting questions from the chapter called "Learning from the World Community" in Living More with Less. i really appreciate how honest she is...ready to say which practices are challenging in her life.

Do you find that you own unnecessary kitchen gadgets? well, now this is (one of) my pet peeves! i hate to buy any gadgets that only do one thing. i have exceptions of course...we have a coffee grinder, a pizza cutter, potato masher! i'm sure there are others. but for the most part i want a new tool to do more than one thing. when we moved to the jungle, i took my good chef's knife and a good hand can opener. those were both good choices. the one electric appliance i would pine for--besides a fridge to keep the Parbo cold--was my hand blender. i got it for our wedding, and use it for making smoothies and hummus and soup. so handy!
Could you imagine planning ahead and cooking just once a day? again, in the jungle this was just how things were. and for the most part that's how we eat still. for lunch we have left overs or sandwich type stuff. and the only meal i really plan or cook is dinner. i am looking toward some better planning and cooking for a couple of weeks and freezing each dish. i really like the cookbook called Frozen Assets. still haven't tried it. except for when i was pregnant. i had almost 20 meals cooked and waiting for us in our freezer. and it was such a blessing.
Does your town have or are you able to use public transportation? yes! we love TriMet! Mabel knows how to wave the bus down and hold our fare ticket. she's a bus pro. it's her favorite place to nurse i think. she loves all the action, crazy people and big windows to look out of. but then she also loves to snuggle in my lap and shut out all the distractions. she even falls asleep.
Do you often choose to walk or ride your bike instead of driving? no bike riding for this girl! though i think M might push us to ride bikes.; she sure like to look at them. but we do walk lots. St Johns is supremely walkable. the grocery store and post office are a block away. the library is four blocks away. parks and cafes and even a book store all within a few handsome blocks. and the river! such beauty and even a taste of the wild. our local ducks even had babies! it's just amazing that we have all of this at our doorstep.

four

2008-06-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

today we were out at the Children's Parade in Hollywood till late. pictures will follow. but for now, some gleanings from the poetry workshop that i attended taught by Paulann Petersen.

it's almost the end of poetry month
and so many people want to get in on it.
to that i say, hosanna! let's dive in!

the poem--that which is made; the house that must be entered
living in the house of poetry

a paucity of take

thonic: of the underworld

the turn a poem makes...let it turn sweet

Wm Stafford didn't call them poems, rather "these things i write."

vivid language, compression, resonance with what is human
: what poems have

every time a poem touches the earth, it gains strength
: Wm Stafford

sough: what trees do

she passes out a sheet called "noun list"
and my heart races, feet go cold with excitement!

repetition--heart beat and breath--and then variation
that's how music works

your very flesh shall be a great poem
: Whitman

three

2008-06-03T20:43:00.001-07:00

our mornings have a predictable rhythm about them. we wake up and have coffee and watch Mister Rogers if it's early. then AP gets ready for school. i might take a shower too if there's time. goodbyes and kisses and waving from the window. then an hour or so when Mabel plays and i might do dishes or work on the computer. then she heads for a nap, nursing and then bouncing on the big red ball.

when she wakes up, she's ready to get dressed and really start her day. she wakes up silly and hungry and open to whatever i've got going. today she helped me peel tomatilloes for chili verde. once she saw what needed to be done, she jumped right in. she peeled; i cut. and the work didn't go faster. but it sure was sweeter. i love the plain happiness she gets from doing what there is to do. each morning she puts her hand to a task: watering, cooking, reading, drinking tea. and i get to share this time with her.

two

2008-06-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

we heard last week that Maria Chapman, Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter, died. she was five years old. the family set up this space to remember her. there you'll find a silly video of her and her dad washing dishes. just what you would expect from a girl who had just turned five.

there is also a link to Maria's Miracle Fund and Shaohannah's Hope. after adopting three girls, Steven and his wife started a foundation to help other families with the overwhelming costs of adoption. i was breastfeeding Mabel and changing the channels, trying to find something to watch for a few minutes. i stumbled across an interview with Steven. he was talking about his family's experience of adoption and their desire to help other families. i was just amazed at his love. he overflowed with excitement as he talked about his children. it rekindled an interest in adoption for our family. i don't know what will come of it, but our hearts are open.

it reminded me of another time...19 years ago when i was searching for something to watch. only this time i was in high school and it was late. everyone else had gone to bed. i found a recording of one of Steven's concerts. i liked his songwriting. and he was cute. but then as now it was his excitement that caught me. he was excited about living in this world as a christian. and it made me want to read and think about it for myself. all through high school i listened to his music, went to his concerts, wore his t-shirts. his album "Great Adventure" was the soundtrack to the summer i spent in Mexico. and hearing him at the Del Mar Fair with my brother Steven was just about perfect. we had so much fun.

i am so grateful for Steven Curtis Chapman. at very different spots in my life, his life and work has intersected mine. and i am better for it. we cried and prayed all day when we heard about the loss of Maria. may god's peace keep them all.

one

2008-06-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

here's the first ever meme that i've completed: put the answer to the question in a search at flickr, then make a mosaic. AP told me that meme rhymes with seem. how do you find these things out? pretty and pretty fun...

1. your first name? Kortney (which makes a bunch of porn star pictures come up. and this sweet picture of me and my girl just 10 days old.)
2. favorite food? pastry
3. high school? it was called Gospel Light
4. favorite color? blue
5. celebrity crush? Michael Stipe
6. favorite drink? coffee
7. dream vacation? i said Africa. though these girls could live in Saramaka
8. favorite dessert? cake
9. what do you want to be when you grow up? wise
10. what do you love most in life? i said Mabel...and picked this picture of a long-legged girl reading because she could be my girl in 20 years. but i love reading in bed myself.
11. one word to describe me? crazy
12. my flickr name? one deep drawer

i'm going to post here each day this month. or try.

Living more with Less--Do Justice

2008-05-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

(Mrs. Pivec inspired me to find a photograph for my post too!)

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good;
and what doth the Lord require of thee,
but to do justly,
and to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with thy God?
Micah 6.8

Longacre uses this verse as a guidepost in thinking about the principle of doing justice. and don't you just love verses like this? so simple and straight forward. God has shown us what is good. it is written on our hearts. and what is required? justice, mercy, humility. oh, is that all? these great big sweeping verses call out to me in a way that correct theology or a year's worth of sermons just can't. they call me to action, to step into their possibility, to find my footing in the vast current. and maybe that breathless feeling is a sign. a way forward. a way to act with courage in the face of the staggering injustice of our economic system.

i must admit that this was a hard chapter for me. i can get behind the idea that our foods and folkways matter in this world, that all our small choices do count. but influencing trade policy through voting or letter writing makes me sceptical. i am much more comfortable opting out of the system (in admittedly small ways) than trying to fix it. AP and i were talking this morning about using our woodstove for heat. Thoreau said that he liked wood heat because it warmed you twice--once when you were cutting it and once when you burned it! and the ways that it has forged bonds with our neighbors...John and Elizabeth and Rita and Curt and Dave and Marla and Kevin and the Open Meadow folks and Jessica (i keep thinking of more names to add to the list!). each of these people has helped keep our little house warm. even though i'm happy not to be using our oil heat, those connections are so much more real and important to me than any more abstract ideal about not using oil.

i'll be curious to see what ideas are offered throughout the book for ways of doing justice. stay tuned.

a few of her favorite things

2008-05-23T10:15:00.001-07:00

we were all out walking of an evening. Mabel was in the stroller with her hands full of treasures...flowers and rocks and a stick. then she spied a motorcycle! she showed it to us. Andy said, "it's like she has a list or something. she always sees the things she's interested in." and that made me laugh because i like lists and i like the image of my 19 month old already keeping a list. if she did have a list i bet it would look like this:

bikes
rocks
birds
helpers (emergency vehicles)
fish
dogs
trucks
balloons
babies
squirrels
people wearing hats

and one more unrelated Mabel story...she always has a hard time having her fingernails cut. so we started using the LLL trick to set a time limit--we'll only cut your nails while we're singing the ABC's. when we're done singing, we're done cutting. that way there's an end in sight and something fun to occupy us during the hard part.

it works brilliantly.

recently, she's started to prefer AP's cutting to mine. which is great because it offers her one more way to control the situation. if i say we need to cut her nails, she'll counter with "PAPA!" then we can happily wait till AP gets home. well, it was finally time to start cutting. AP turned on the bright light, i got the clippers, and Mabel got her baby. she took the clippers and carefully pretended to cut her baby's nails. all the while singing the ABC's! can you imagine?

living more with less

2008-05-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

a few of us scattered around the country are reading Doris Janzen Longacre's book called Living More with Less. i thought maybe the easiest way to join the conversation would be to post my thoughts here. i'll link to Mrs. Pivec's posts as well. so let's get started!

the subtitle of the book is "a pattern for living with less." already, i feel like this is so rich with meaning and instruction. i love the word pattern. when i lived in the jungle, i thought Pattern would be a great name for a zine and blog. (but it was already taken, so the zine became fieldwork instead...another good name!) i once heard Barry Lopez describe his stories as patterns, ways of living profitably in this world. that's not a very popular way of thinking about stories, but it rings true to me. and there's a line from a Wendell Berry poem that mentions "a pattern made in the light for the light to return to." he's writing about the ways that we structure our lives--in marriage, in our faith, in families--so that when the way gets dark, we won't get lost. i love the idea of picking up this thread of simplicity and weaving it into my life today.

the book begins with an author's preface, really selections from Doris' journal. she suffered for almost 4 years with cancer. it was during that time that she was working on this book. there is an urgency and breathlessness to her writing. time is fleeting. lay up your treasures in heaven. this book is a testimony to a life well lived.

in the introduction she talks about living by standards. another way of talking about patterns. one of the standards offered is "nurture people." that put me in mind of something we read when M was small. the author was talking about avoiding the use of pacifiers, and said that we want our children to find comfort in people not things. that sort of became a standard in the way we took care of Mabel. it led to more breastfeeding, more holding, more walking with her in the sling, more bouncing on the ball. all really good things. all very small choices that could have gone another way. but because we had the little jingle "people not things" rattling in our heads, we could choose in the direction of more connection. i'm interested to hear more about the other standards, the other patterns.

the morning's books

2008-05-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

some of what we were reading this morning.

she also got down both the hymnal and Rise Up Singing and asked, "What's that?" even though i was fairly sure she knew what both books were. i answered her, but she kept turning pages and asking. then i realized that she wanted to sing. so she picked out songs, and i sung them. and she joined along as she was able.

happiest of mother's days!

2008-05-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

that's all. just a small wish that there's a small part of your day that makes you smile. a quiet cup of tea or a walk down to the water or a few minutes extra sleep. just something to remind you that this mama work that you're doing is important and hard and full of glory.

reading circle

2008-05-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

do you know this book? i have been reading and using the More With Less cookbook for years. the oatmeal cake is one of my standards for celebrating. it's not too sweet, and it's moist without loads of butter. well, come to find out the author, Doris Janzen Longacre, also wrote and edited this book about the ways in which people are actually living out the ideas hinted at in the cookbook. ideas about living within our means, living with the rest of the world in mind, living as if our personal choices mattered in this world.

i just got the book on interlibrary loan. which means i had to be finished with it in three short weeks. and really it's the sort of book that going to be doing it's work on you for a while. then Mrs. Pivec at Golightly Place wrote a lovely review of the book and invited her readers along for a study group. sounds like a great idea to me. would you like to join along? we're starting on Mother's Day, but i'm sure you could catch up. let me know, ok?

catch up

2008-04-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

i need to write about a few things, so they can quit taking up space in my brain! there's only so much to go around. and so much has happened this last month that i'd like to write about. so let's just begin, ok?

the doula training it was absolutely amazing. Shafia Monroe, who founded ICTC and taught our workshop is an amazing, powerful woman. when she wlaks in a room, you know it. the energy changes. and she is the model for creating spaces that include, that welcome, and that honor differences. her vision is to have a midwife for every 10 blocks in this city. can you imagine? a woman rooted to her place, a woman of the community. someone who not only attends your birth, but is a vital part of your life. can you imagine the difference such woman could make? i aspire to be such a woman.
every other week M and i are volunteering at ICTC for Celebrate Your Pregnancy Day. it's a place for a woman to talk to a trained doula about birth plans or nutrition or breastfeeding. a place to enjoy a cup of tea and some fruit. a place to come among women and honor this amazing time. if you know of someone who might benefit (and who wouldn't!), please pass this information along.
on the weeks that we're not at ICTC, we're going to Harvest Homes, a care facility in St Johns. we sing and visit with the residents. Mabel is quite the star. almost everyone there has a sister or cousin or aunt named Mabel. she loves the fish tank and listening to Ruby, our 93 year old neighbor, play the piano. last week we went into the Alzheimer's unit. the door is locked, so that every one can be accounted for. but the rooms open up on a central courtyard full of flowers and good light. it's lovely. and we sat with a woman who just smiled and played with Mabel. she said how quickly Mabel has grown, how good it is to see us. she reminded us not to stay away so long. and we won't.
Dave and Trev came to visit. and in the biggest surprise, maybe of my life, my mom came along too. M had a great time with her cousin. she loves her uncle too. and for a few days after Nana left, any time i made her angry, Mabel would go over to Nana's bed and call for her. i think she wanted to tell on me!
last weekend i went to a writing workshop taught by Paulann Petersen. she is an amazing poet. i left with a notebook full of poems and ideas, new writing exercises to try when teaching, and a full heart. like Shafia, she is a woman at the height of her powers, full of grace and wisdom and joy and plenty of fire.
i'm beginning down the long path toward becoming a La Leche League leader. so lots of reading about birth interventions and mother-to-mother support and gentle guidance of children. one of my favorite blogs is written by a woman who homeschools and is a LLL leader. more amazing women in this world. can you stand it?
i'm starting work on a new zine about homebirth and homeschool and books to read and anything else that might inspire us all to open our eyes to this great world we live in. yea for zines! it's been a while since i've had that iron in the fire. i hope to have the first (small) issue out in the next week or so. certainly before the postage rate goes up. leave me your address, and i'll make sure you get a copy.

we made pound cake

2008-04-17T18:12:00.003-07:00

well.

let me tell you how to make pound cake.

my mom has unearthed a recipe from the late 1800s. my great grandfather's, who we called Big Daddy (with the accent on the Big), who would hold me in his lap when the trains rattled by the trailer, grandma's recipe.

first you cream a cup of butter with two cups of sugar.

2008-04-17T18:12:00.001-07:00

add the 5 eggs one at a time.

2008-04-17T18:11:00.001-07:00

add the vanilla. fold in 2 cups of flour.

2008-04-17T15:33:00.001-07:00

because i don't have a loaf pan, i baked our pound cake in muffin tins. unlined, greased, then into a 325 degree oven for 45 minutes or an hour.

2008-04-17T15:30:00.001-07:00

they turned out just perfect. golden brown, not too sweet. perfect for an afternoon snack. be prepared: they are dense. that's what happens when you bake with no leavening agent.

2008-04-17T15:28:00.001-07:00

and then you wash the dishes while the water boils for tea. these personal size pound cakes were even better the next day. i wonder if that's why Dalania made them? because they keep so well.

protector of laboring women

2008-03-24T16:09:00.003-07:00

a few months ago i was on the phone with Troy and he was telling me about yet another woman whose pregnancy ended in a c-section. and he asked sort of off hand if i was going to be a midwife when i grow up. i blew him off, but as often happens with him, his comment stuck with me.

no, i don't think i want to be a midwife. at least not at this point in my life. well, how about a doula or birth assistant? i'm not much interested in helping mitigate the awful things that hospitals do to women, not interested in bucking that tide. and women laboring and birthing at home usually have found the support they need. so where does that leave me with my experience--attending 2 births (thank you for the honor, J!) and reading 50+ books on birth and breastfeeding?

from the bus one day i saw the sign for the International Center for Traditional Childbearing. ah! a little research and i learned that the organization has worked with midwives in Africa and the U.S. to help improve infant mortality rates. african american babies die at a rate almost triple the national average. that is ridiculous. and here are women in my neighborhood who are working to change that. ICTC offers childbirth classes and doula services. they run a high school mentoring program called Sistah Care. and they train midwives and doulas. well.

here was an organization doing real work, good work in this world. and they were offering doula training in my neighborhood. and AP was off for Spring Break, so that i could be away from the little one for 25 hours with a minimal disruption to her life and routines. sounded just right.

the most impressive thing that i have learned about ICTC is that every Wednesday they host Celebrate Your Pregnancy Day. any woman can come and share a cup of tea and talk to a doula about birth plans or nutrition or breastfeeding. and it's FREE. Mabel and i got to sit in on a meeting where we watched Birth into Being, the amazing story of waterbirth in Russia, and talked to a woman giving birth to her second child in a month. what an honor. what an opportunity. just the kind of work i would like to be involved in myself.

so at the end of this week, i'll be becoming a doula. think good thoughts for our family as i'm away. and for the group of women i'll be learning with.

spring has sprung

2008-03-22T10:14:00.001-07:00

the calendar says it's spring time even though the weather is mostly cold and grey. to celebrate the day, we all rode the bus to Grand Central. the first hot Americano we've had in this city. come on, Portland! we read a little Thursday Styles, sipped our coffee, and ate our jammers. it was nice. but we've been up to a few other things besides coffee out.

2008-03-22T10:12:00.001-07:00

we joined Zipcar, a car share program. this little silver number lives 3 blocks from our house. we can reserve the car by the hour. then our magic card gets activated and the doors pop open. the keys are inside along with a gas card in case it needs a fill up. her name is Yelena. we three like her.

2008-03-22T10:10:00.001-07:00

the first place we went in the car was out to Swan Island to visit Metro Paint. we painted the living room using recycled paint. some very smart, creative person started using up all the odds and ends of paint that gets disposed of. you can get 7 or 8 different colors. but ours isn't one of the standard mixes. we choose Potpourri 31, a color that got mixed up in a very small batch. only a few 5 gallon buckets of this exact color exist in the world. and we've got one. we only used a little bit, so if you need some paint, i might be able to get you a deal!

2008-03-22T10:02:00.001-07:00

this is a fair picture of the color. not intrusive or busy. not hard to get used to. not white. we like it alot. still nothing back up on the walls yet. it takes me so long to put stuff on the walls. soon, soon!

graffiti

2008-03-14T22:40:00.001-07:00

graffiti
Originally uploaded by one deep drawer

look what i found while poking around...you are beautiful!

AP took this picture in the week just before we left San Diego. i knew it must be a part of something bigger. and so it is! look around the site; people do crazy, beautiful, incredible things in this world.

you are beautiful.

our tricks

2008-03-14T22:29:00.001-07:00

4
Originally uploaded by one deep drawer

when the little one is sad or hurting or tired, we each have our different ways of helping her feel better. my go to move is to offer to breastfeed. sleepy? have some milk! upset? sad? no matter the ailment, nursing will help. but what about Andy? he doesn't really have that option. and still he finds ways of helping her relax.

when she is beside herself and just won't settle, he often wraps her tight in the soft green blanket given to us by Mrs. Cully. then he bounces her on the red ball. and if she still doesn't quiet he'll play "Little Bird." he doesn't sing or play on his guitar, though we often do both of those things. his trick is to look up Elizabeth Mitchell and listen as she sings with her daughter. it might take a few times through, but soon the cries stop.

you might try it yourself.

by the by, the top picture was taken by her aunt Jessica when she was 11 days old. the bottom was a few weeks later when she was baptized by her grandpa. the little bird? she came to us from our sweet friend Jessica in Yakima when the girl turned one.

on my way

2008-03-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

a few weeks ago my friend Troy came for a visit. when i walked into the kitchen where he was shredding cheese for our burrito dinner he said, "do you know about godly play? you need to read Sofia Cavalletti." the sweetest words ever spoken. i just love book recommendations. and especially personal ones...you need to read this book. sadly, the library didn't have anything on godly play and nothing by Cavalletti.

and then i discovered inter-library loan. books brought from any library in the world to your little branch. and usually it's free. can you imagine?

i'll just quote you one little gem from The Religious Potential of the Child. it is a quiet and profound book applying some of the ideas of Maria Montessori to the spiritual formation of children. listen:

the receivers of the Word are the child and the adult: they are
simultaneously announcers and listeners.

our job isn't only to teach our children. we too are supposed to listen and be transformed. and often the proclamation comes on the lips of our children. if we have ears to hear.

and so with all these thoughts swimming around in my head, we went to church on Sunday. happens almost every week in this house. the priest shared a sermon for children about what lent is for. and she got it all wrong. (except for the part about drawing a picture of her family and lining each person up tallest to shortest! i loved that detail.) her story was about how she colored on someone's paper in grade school. and she should have made better choices. and that's what lent is all about--learning how to make better choices. yes, historically lent has included some piece of self-denial, a way of bringing discipline to our days. but it's not primarily a self-improvement venture. bringing that sort of moralistic pressure to kids and telling them that's what God wants just seems wrong to me.

the message of lent and the coming season of easter is that Jesus died, was buried, and on the third day rose again. rising from the dead is a bit more radical than self help. and it's not cool or fashionable or really even palatable to talk about resurrection. but the power that is waking our earth up after the cold winter, the power that makes seeds buried in the ground rise up and grow to bring beauty and nourishment, that power brought Jesus to life again. and it's the same power that is in us. it's the power that brought our children into our lives, the power that is growing them up day by day. and if we will welcome this fiery power, we will be transformed. from glory to glory.

LEAP!

2008-02-29T10:18:00.001-08:00

an extra day! what a boon! a free day! exclamation points abound!

it just makes me so excited. another day. a reprieve. breathing room. and right in the middle of the winter when we need it most. and it's called Leap Day. doesn't that just make you want to jump? doesn't that sound like a just about perfect day for children--a day to jump and hop and skip and leap. a day for frogs and rabbits and kangaroos.

how will you spend your day? you won't get another Leap Day for a few years, so spend extravagantly! i'd love to hear your plans. as for us...we made brownies and read a beautiful book called D is for Drinking Gourd to celebrate Black History Month. later today we might go visit the day old chicks across the St Johns Bridge at Linnton Seed and Feed. then we're headed to Phathaya Thai for dinner. then a walk back home through the park before the sun goes down.

p.s. there is a clump of daffodils that have already bloomed in the middle of our sunny garden patch. grace! i wonder who planted them. i wonder if they could have imagined just how good it is to see them.

simple joy

2008-02-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

don't mind that this this video is turned sideways...it's the audio that you're interested in anyway. this is Mabel watching Cleo the black + white kitty play with a balloon. can you believe how happy this cat makes our girl?

16 months

2008-02-20T11:50:00.001-08:00

16 months
Originally uploaded by one deep drawer

one Tuesday a month we go to La Leche League meetings for mamas and toddlers who still nurse. we talk about what's hard, what's not working. how we don't get a lot of sleep, how this is all going to work with the next baby. and i identify with all of those rough spots. and it is good to hear the stories and experience of mamas who have been where you are now.

but that's not the whole story.

sometimes i wish we'd talk about how nice it is to come home after a long morning on the town and snuggle this big girl in my arms and nurse her to sleep. to feel her weight in my tired arms. her fingers on my skin.

teacup prayers

2008-02-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

when i was in Suriname i came across the work of Macrina Wiederkehr, a woman living a quiet, folksy life as a hermit. each morning as she drinks her tea, she prays for her friends scattered far and near. the steam rising from the cup carries her good thoughts. i think it's a lovely way to remember all who are dear to us. another lenten observance that can make us more ready to do what we are each called to do.

hoops

2008-02-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

at christmas time i bought two hoops--one for Trevor (age 6) and one for Andy (age 32). i squirrelled Andy's away in the back of the closet and only remembered it today. Andy modified the hoop, so that instead of hanging over a door, it has a suction cup. the perfect game for a snowy day.

observing lent with our families

2008-01-30T14:18:00.000-08:00

finally, the wheel of the year has turned past the grand celebrations of Christmas. winter is really here, and we're settling in to the cold. i started to think about the coming of Ash Wednesday and Lent and how we might celebrate as a family. over at my flickr site, i asked how others might be planning to observe. Grace commented that it's hard to be somber with little ones around! that got me thinking that there have to be ways to enter in to this season even with littles under foot. here's a list of ideas that might provide a spark of inspiration to light the way to spring.

make doughnuts or some other deep-fried yumminess on Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday.
learn a new song. a song that points to spring coming and new life sprouting. yesterday Mabel and i were singing For the Beauty of the Earth as we got dinner ready. maybe you could illustrate the song to help little ones learn the words.
go for a walk every day. i once knew of a homeschooling family who put a pot of soup on to simmer for lunch and headed out for a walk each day. no matter the weather.
make a nature almanac recording what you see on your walks. when did the moon come full? what day did the buds burst? what stars are out?
learn a new prayer to say at meals. we've started singing our prayers. music is big around here these days. it lets Mabel really enter in even though she can barely talk.
give up meat as a family. or (closer to my heart) sugar. give the money to an organization like Heifer.
change your seasonal table or alter. add a bowl of water to be the waters of life. or a tray of sand to be the 40 years in the desert, our own long journey, our dustiness.
sprout something. wheat berries sprout and then grow a neat green grass perfect for hiding eggs when the time comes. but beans and lentils work too.
make bread. to go along with the soup. it's very earthy. and the spaces created by waiting for the dough to rise are perfect for story telling.
celebrate love on St Valentine's Day. our hearts of stone have been changed into hearts of flesh! glory!
wear purple, the traditional color of Lent, to keep you mindful.
light candles at meals. turn off the electric light. enjoy the darkness. try for silence even for a few moments. the light is coming!
and when all else fails and you're at the end of a long day, play "Jesus in the Tomb." the rules are simple: everyone must lay down very still and quiet. enjoy the respite!

last year when M was but four months old, it seemed odd that we were going to church to be reminded of our mortality. this girl was vital. our life together was just beginning. when we got to the priest, she took a smudge of ash from last year's palm branches and whispered to Mabel,"Remember that you are made from the dust of the universe, and that one day you will return to the stars!"

and that's what i want to hold in my intentions for this small girl.

the comments are on...i'd love to hear what you've got planned.

a vacation at home

2008-01-23T10:48:00.000-08:00

to celebrate MLK Day, we rented a car! makes perfect sense, right? we talked about driving north to see our friends in Washington. but driving with the prospect of winter weather sounded a bit much. so we stayed home. we rented a car and drove around our city and out to a few wild places.

on Friday night we drove over to NE to have dinner with Ben and Jess and Sophia. we shared a lovely meal at a Thai restaurant on Sandy. then drinks back home at their place. then over the bridge and back home to St Johns. being in the car let me notice all sorts of things i must have seen before but never quite registered. like the beautiful light posts lining our bridge. they can even be seen from our deck. or in the bathroom when you're brushing your teeth.

Saturday morning we were up early and cold. we made a thermos full of coffee, boiled some eggs, bundled up and headed out to Sauvie Island. we drove the length of the island and saw sheep, cows, horses, cormorants, vultures, winter wrens, and geese. then we turned around and parked the car at the Wapato Greenway. we were headed toward a seasonal lake that is home to many birds who spend their winters in Portland. it was cold. freezing rain turned sleet turned snow. we followed a Stellers jay out to the water and back again. judging by how loud he was, i think the weather agreed with him!

on Sunday we went to church. then we watch the football game. our friends from Washington called...they were in town for the Old Time Music Festival...would we like to join them for the tail end of a concert? well, yes we would. we headed to the Mission Theater in NW and found the place packed with happy people, kids, mamas with babies in the sling dancing in the aisles. i saw two other little one ask to nurse. it was amazing to be listening to people sing and play the banjo and stand up bass, for there to be beer to drink if you wanted it, for kids to be so much a part of what was happening. i felt very blessed.

then we went to another friend's house for burritos and more music. Nicki played her banjo and Kevin played his fiddle. and Mabel danced and played with the puppy named Zion. it was a comfortable, quiet evening in an old Portland house with dark wood floors. Troy came home with us and we made popcorn and talked about his trip to France and art and making a life and god and church and children.

in the morning we went out for breakfast with the big bunch of people and said our cold goodbyes. our family drove out to Kelley Point Park at the very edge of the peninsula. it's the confluence of the Willamette and the Columbia. i love seeing the two waters the mix, where the darker blue of the Columbia laps into the Willamette. the wind blow the clouds away, and the mountain was visible. it was windy up there too--a cloud of snow hung above the summit.

this entry is already too long. and i don't feel i've even begun to tell you what we experienced. how nice it was to get very cold and then rush back to the car to get very warm. how full and expansive our days felt. how refreshed we were after being together in this new place in a new way. it was every thing a vacation ought to be. and it happened over one long weekend, right in the place we call home.

aunt Phan

2008-01-17T13:37:00.000-08:00

it just amazes me that M gets to have such wonderful people in her life. because there was an empty chair next to Phan when my brother Steven walked into his math class, my daughter gets to learn how to make papaya salad from a wonderful cook. at the end of the video, you can see Phan's nifty rice cooker that makes sticky rice. yum!

without pictures

2008-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

i've been holding in my heart a few things i wanted to write about. but it just seems a bit odd to post a story without the pictures. will you be able to see what happened with only my words? some of the most important things that happen in our life don't have pictures. we're too busy living the experience to bother with a camera. and that's as it should be. i reach for the camera when things are quiet otherwise. but sometimes that leaves me wishing i had something to share.

in the middle of December we had visitors. first came the Layton family. good friends who fill up our house with children and conversation and wine. it is such a treat for us to get to share time with those five kids. to tell stories, to hear theirs. i had a stack of books that i thought might interest one or another of them. and then things happen by accident too. Clara found a calligraphy dip pen. so we got out the paints and she practiced writing. that meant we got a few other paintings as well. last night Mabel sat on the floor with all of the painting spread out around her. she looked carefully at each one. i can't wait to go visit them in the spring. then we get the kids and the wine and i get to eat good food made by Jess too!

Tim came by on his way up North. we shared warm mugs of spiced wine and then walked over to the pub for dinner. we sat at a perfect table where we could be comfortable while Mabel could play and couldn't get too far. it was the kind of visit that leaves you wanting more. more talk, more time to just be together. i love that we live close enough that he can just pop in. that by itself makes the move worthwhile.

finally Dianne and Jacob visited twice. the two littles play well together. or next to each other. they can spend an evening together with little conflict, little reason for mamas to stop their talk and offer some help. it's easy to be with these two. comfortable.

our house was full as fall tilted toward winter. and now the afternoons are getting lighter. buds are on the bare trees. we wait in hope.

this morning for the first time

2007-12-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

she drew on a piece of paper by herself. she's drawn (written? colored? what is it that she's doing exactly?) in my journal or on other pieces of paper that i've given her with pens that i've given her.

but today she quietly got paper and a pencil out of the top drawer and drew on them. i found it later when i sat down at the computer while she was napping. she reads by herself. and now she writes too. amazing.

just now when i went to get her after her nap, she was sitting with her brow furrowed. then she pointed to the kitties on her jammies and meowed. as if the cats and all their noise had woke her up. what a silly girl.

2007-12-07T16:26:00.000-08:00

my mama looked in her pictures and found this! from our trip to the thrift store last Thanksgiving. i told you it was cute! thanks, mom.

yesterday for the first time

2007-12-04T06:06:00.000-08:00

she brought a book over for me to read. we read together. but that's me doing the choosing and the reading. and she reads by herself. she really likes a certain picture of people dancing in a book called The Thanksgiving Door. and she returns to that page again and again on her own.

but yesterday she brought a book and set it in my lap. then she edged it open and looked at me expectantly. and so we read what she wanted to read.

well

2007-12-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

i had been meaning to write more about our Thanksgiving celebration. but i was looking for a particular picture of the girl from last Thanksgiving. we were in San Diego, of course. and my aunt was down too. we four--Glenda, Barb, Mabel and Kortney--went to thrift stores one morning. i tucked the little one in the sling, and we had a great time. i remember seeing another mama out shopping that day with her small one in a sling. only she had two older children as well. oh my! toward the end of our time out together, we needed to nurse. so i sat down in a chair by the shoes and nursed my baby. when she was finished, Nana came by and snapped a picture. she's smiling and peeking out of the sling, wearing her pink polka dots. behind us, the store's Christmas tree is visible. it's a lovely picture.

i wanted to find it because it was taken last Thanksgiving. and in the circle of the year, we have come back to holidays that Mabel has already been a part of. crazy. and now this year, she really is taking part.

at Thanksgiving she ate so much turkey. she is not a vegetarian! but she also had potatoes and sweet potatoes, brussels spouts, pumpkin pie and ice cream made by her uncle Ben. we enjoyed a very traditional meal. by which i mean the stuffing was Stove Top, the bread was brown and serve, and the cranberries came from a can! and it was so good. at Thanksgiving i really crave those very familiar flavors. lord knows, i've stewed fresh cranberries with orange zest and brandy. and that's good too. but at Thanksgiving, i want what we've always eaten.

and that history, that family is something that fills my heart with thanks.

gratitude garland

2007-11-27T09:57:00.001-08:00

gratitude garland
Originally uploaded by one deep drawer

instead of just making a regular, old paper chain to string across the front windows, we made a gratitude garland...writng what we are thankful for on the inside of each link. here's a bit of my list (in no particular order): pots of soup...AP's new job...the river...scrub jays...Mabel...Mabel's cousins...LLL...Gerri, our midwife...the ocean...time with grandparents in San Diego...how generous my bnrothers are...homemade bread...our mothers...Marla, our landlord...the Terpstra boys...the hospitality of Ben and Jess...the list goes on and on.

does your landlord bake you cookies?

2007-11-16T20:12:00.000-08:00

we received this card from our neighbor and landlord along with a bag of crisp apples and warm oatmeal chocolate chip cookies...

Dear Andy, Kortney and Mabel,

just a little note to say thank you for coming to dinner on Tuesday evening...we so enjoyed your company. i was just disappointed when i realized as you were leaving that you had the pictures (from Suriname) i wanted to see...i hope you'll come over and bring them again--you have a standing invitation!

Kortney--so glad you could go to the play with us. i loved hearing you and Sarah chatting about "baby stuff." it was a fun evening.

we really thank God for the 3 of you being our neighbors! you are truly a blessing to us.

Love Marla, Dave, John and Ruby

isn't that just amazing?

steps

2007-11-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

this has been happening the last few days. we caught her this time!

2007-11-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

they say that the rain is about to begin. and this after we have enjoyed such lovely weather since we arrived. i was telling AP a few days ago that i remembered November in these parts. how it's so lovely and then it turns wintery fast. it can take you by surprise. i wanted to be aware and appreciative of the sunshine while we still had it. so today we spent the morning out.

the main item on the itinerary was story time at the library. after a nap and a shower and some cottage cheese and a Satsuma tangerine, we headed that way. we found out that story time for our age group is held in a separate room instead of being in the middle of the children's library. it felt a little out of the way and closed-in. we could have used an open window. we sang alot and did finger plays. but we only read two board books. we can stand to read a bit more than that! then the librarian brought out a box of dolls and trucks and puzzles and balls: all things that Mabel loves to play with. she played with the other kids, offering a doll to hug or a ball to roll. she had a good time. then we said goodbye to the toys and the kids and the light fixtures. she left murmuring, "i love you!"

then off to a neat little shop to find a birthday card for Jude, our cousin. i found the perfect card, a print by Nikki McClure. it's there at the top. just perfect to welcome Margaret and Jude into this second year together. then to the Salvation Army where we found a towel rod for our bathroom and a pair of tennies just right for the little one. it was just beginning to rain when we arrived home.

nature's green turns to gold

2007-11-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

she really does play telephone with almost anything...her shoe, the computer cord, a shell from Ocean Lane. and then when the real phone rings she leans her head to one side and says, "Lo?" of course when it comes time to talk on the phone she gets all smiley and quiet.

we've had a smash up fall here in the Northwest. the days are short, but the light is just amazing. almost every afternoon we spend some time outside. we go get books from the library, walk for coffee, buy a few groceries for dinner or just hang out on the deck and watch the scrub jays and Oregon juncos.

last week, getting ready for Halloween, we shared a near perfect day. as i raked leaves, Pa and the girl carved her little pumpkin that we got in Bonita. (yes, i brought three pumpkins with us in the move.) she was interested in eating the pumpkin, so i took the cut-out eyes and mouth pieces in the house and sauteed a few chunks. we also roasted the seeds. such a rich, warm flavor with a bit of salt. we took a handful over to our new neighbor and introduced ourselves.

today after a kind of slow morning, we took a walk to the library park: swings and slides and squirrels and a pretty cat with blue eyes. on the way home we shared a pumpkin shake from Burgerville. she cried when it was gone. crazy one!

let's start at the very beginning

2007-11-05T10:17:00.000-08:00

this little snatch of video is from our trip to the pumpkin patch in Bonita. Mabel and i were waiting for the hay ride to begin, and i didn't know the camera was switched to the movie setting. but the result is very sweet. the simple, silent images catch something of our relationship and the way our days flow.